My third MDMA session: experiencing heart-opening "peaceful presence" and immense clarity of mind, exercising agency & realizing the toxicity of ego-driven political discourse.
The post is so compelling to me that I am finding a need to respond again. I copied and pasted this as the most powerful words for me:
“For effort and control to work, it needs to be alternated with presence and non-doing. If efforts and thoughts do not rest, our will-power will quickly exhaust and we won’t be able to self-discipline. This is how meditative, inward peace solves issues. It the necessary, soft foundation required for thoughts and action to have motivation and potency.
For me that's a "wow". But of course it's one of those ideas you can hear in words and agree with but not "grok".
I believe that all of the upset in reaction to the (obviously, from either "side", F-ed up) state of the world, can be seen to be coming from some seeming mismatch between what is "out there" and what is one's ability to respond to it. For me, the solution is the recognition is that everything is existentially ok (the soft foundation) which DEFINES and ALLOWS a response that is infinitely confident and patient.
This is a SPIRITUAL solution, even though it MUST be expressed in physical form to have an impact in the world of those who believe they ARE physical.
All of this to say that I am glad for Rav's experience and resultant conclusions, as I believe this is the direction we need to go.
Hi Stewart. I'm glad you drew something important from my words. It's me using a LOT of words to say that relating to stillness is what I've found the most important aspect of existence. I write this from a perspective of very longterm meditative practice, in which studying how the reactive, erroneous, self-obsessed nature of mind is ALWAYS to find a problem—clumsily lobbing intellectual 'solutions' that further stir the pot.
Of course our societal structure does need tangible outer action... But the difference of these actions when it comes from someone who spends time in stillness is radical from those of someone acting from a chain of desparate, insecure, confused and ignorant thoughts.
I previously wrote a many-paragraph response. Thankfully, I must assume, it was mercilessly disposed of by my true Will (through some technical failure, right?). My false will was all excited about it, and then disappointed when it failed. So now I have to listen more carefully to come up with the actual intended message.
I still think that the message has to do with refining the idea that the current overarching problem with conflict in society is one of good vs evil.
But no, we know, after a little bit of sitting in silence, that there is not REALLY a battle between good and evil, because...how could there be if reality is one? It must be then that there is an APPARENT battle between reality and illusion.
And even there, reality itself is not worried. Only illusion detects an enemy it must defend itself against.
But to bring this back to the actual battle we see on the internet, even with the sources we trust to be not under any sort of spell, vs those we assume ARE under a spell, we find it extremely difficult to avoid the conclusion that yes, this is a battle between good and evil.
So I am saying that "the spell" is the thought that opposition is possible. And while many have "advanced" to the idea that it is a battle between good and evil, and that good will "win", I hold back, or "advance"? and say that no, REALITY will win, because how can it not? And reality IS good.
I guess I should add that I've done Ayahuasca several times in a supported group environment (with a highly experienced Ayahuascero/ Curandero from Peru) and several experienced "sitters". I think that this, in combination with my long term study of A Course in Miracles is where I developed at least the opening to the idea that effective action must come from a place of "everything is already and forever ok". Not saying I've taken full advantage of these paths (in fact, I've mostly run from them) just that they are my go-to's when I really get out of sorts. And I don't mean I continue to do Aya (I don't) but that the experiences from it remain with me on a very deep level. I could, however, direct you to a local source for this experience if interested. Sorry, as this is still a bit clandestine, and only because of the ambiguous legal status of such substances still. So unfortunate of course, because of the potential benefits. Although there ARE risks of, say, losing one's mind? But honestly, the greatest risk I found was of losing my free pass of "ignorance is bliss". I stil feel, in fact, from my Aya experiences, that the place I went was more real than this place, and that residing here is a compromise, a holding pattern, an attempt to manipulate experience in such a way as to achieve a different result from that which my own thoughts dictate. In the Aya space, you see what you think, with no time lag. It's almost intolerable, which is why towards the end of each session I was always greatly relieved to come back to this place, where I could pretend again.
I have many friends with ADHD, OCD, autism who suffer like this. I understand it’s a lack of dopamine that causes the lack of motivation and resulting low self esteem for not functioning as neuro typicals do. They thrive when they play to their strengths in music, the arts, computer programming. Also anxiety is built in as the Amygdala gland is over developed. Acceptance of inbuilt differences is key.
I just want to inject a questioning of the idea that mental health problems are due to a chemical imbalance" such as "a lack of dopamine". My suspicion is that mental health has come to be viewed through that lens only because it lends itself to a pharmaceutical solution.
I have so many ADHD / autistic friends who cannot get motivated by ‘boring’ tasks and domestic chores because they don’t have the normal functioning level of get up and go supplies by dopamine. It causes many domestic arguments when the person doesn’t pull their weight cheerfully in the household. I lived through hell with my parents ranting at each other about these issues all the way through my childhood which was extremely traumatic and made no sense to me at the time.
I really like the understanding that motivation is a natural impulse and doesn't require discipline to illicit so much as a timely and balance return to the quiet place from which it springs. I'm also interested in the strong reaction against political discourse. I notice it myself, even in the midst of a seemingly irresistible need to engage in it. And the whole idea of the world's problems being increasingly understood as a spiritual battle, gets turned on it's head a bit, when the real battle, at least for a moment, is seen to be not so much between good impulses and bad ones, but between those grounded in the silence and those not.
The post is so compelling to me that I am finding a need to respond again. I copied and pasted this as the most powerful words for me:
“For effort and control to work, it needs to be alternated with presence and non-doing. If efforts and thoughts do not rest, our will-power will quickly exhaust and we won’t be able to self-discipline. This is how meditative, inward peace solves issues. It the necessary, soft foundation required for thoughts and action to have motivation and potency.
For me that's a "wow". But of course it's one of those ideas you can hear in words and agree with but not "grok".
I believe that all of the upset in reaction to the (obviously, from either "side", F-ed up) state of the world, can be seen to be coming from some seeming mismatch between what is "out there" and what is one's ability to respond to it. For me, the solution is the recognition is that everything is existentially ok (the soft foundation) which DEFINES and ALLOWS a response that is infinitely confident and patient.
This is a SPIRITUAL solution, even though it MUST be expressed in physical form to have an impact in the world of those who believe they ARE physical.
All of this to say that I am glad for Rav's experience and resultant conclusions, as I believe this is the direction we need to go.
Hi Stewart. I'm glad you drew something important from my words. It's me using a LOT of words to say that relating to stillness is what I've found the most important aspect of existence. I write this from a perspective of very longterm meditative practice, in which studying how the reactive, erroneous, self-obsessed nature of mind is ALWAYS to find a problem—clumsily lobbing intellectual 'solutions' that further stir the pot.
Of course our societal structure does need tangible outer action... But the difference of these actions when it comes from someone who spends time in stillness is radical from those of someone acting from a chain of desparate, insecure, confused and ignorant thoughts.
I previously wrote a many-paragraph response. Thankfully, I must assume, it was mercilessly disposed of by my true Will (through some technical failure, right?). My false will was all excited about it, and then disappointed when it failed. So now I have to listen more carefully to come up with the actual intended message.
I still think that the message has to do with refining the idea that the current overarching problem with conflict in society is one of good vs evil.
But no, we know, after a little bit of sitting in silence, that there is not REALLY a battle between good and evil, because...how could there be if reality is one? It must be then that there is an APPARENT battle between reality and illusion.
And even there, reality itself is not worried. Only illusion detects an enemy it must defend itself against.
But to bring this back to the actual battle we see on the internet, even with the sources we trust to be not under any sort of spell, vs those we assume ARE under a spell, we find it extremely difficult to avoid the conclusion that yes, this is a battle between good and evil.
So I am saying that "the spell" is the thought that opposition is possible. And while many have "advanced" to the idea that it is a battle between good and evil, and that good will "win", I hold back, or "advance"? and say that no, REALITY will win, because how can it not? And reality IS good.
Thanks for the insightful response. Really well-said. Carson wrote this part which is absolutely spot-on.
I guess I should add that I've done Ayahuasca several times in a supported group environment (with a highly experienced Ayahuascero/ Curandero from Peru) and several experienced "sitters". I think that this, in combination with my long term study of A Course in Miracles is where I developed at least the opening to the idea that effective action must come from a place of "everything is already and forever ok". Not saying I've taken full advantage of these paths (in fact, I've mostly run from them) just that they are my go-to's when I really get out of sorts. And I don't mean I continue to do Aya (I don't) but that the experiences from it remain with me on a very deep level. I could, however, direct you to a local source for this experience if interested. Sorry, as this is still a bit clandestine, and only because of the ambiguous legal status of such substances still. So unfortunate of course, because of the potential benefits. Although there ARE risks of, say, losing one's mind? But honestly, the greatest risk I found was of losing my free pass of "ignorance is bliss". I stil feel, in fact, from my Aya experiences, that the place I went was more real than this place, and that residing here is a compromise, a holding pattern, an attempt to manipulate experience in such a way as to achieve a different result from that which my own thoughts dictate. In the Aya space, you see what you think, with no time lag. It's almost intolerable, which is why towards the end of each session I was always greatly relieved to come back to this place, where I could pretend again.
I love what Alan Watts said. "The meaning of life is just to be alive"
Sounds trite in a way but it's so true fundamentally.
Thank you Rav. Your experience reminds me of knowledge from the past I had forgotten.
Thanks! Your son was a great facilitator of this experience.
I have many friends with ADHD, OCD, autism who suffer like this. I understand it’s a lack of dopamine that causes the lack of motivation and resulting low self esteem for not functioning as neuro typicals do. They thrive when they play to their strengths in music, the arts, computer programming. Also anxiety is built in as the Amygdala gland is over developed. Acceptance of inbuilt differences is key.
I just want to inject a questioning of the idea that mental health problems are due to a chemical imbalance" such as "a lack of dopamine". My suspicion is that mental health has come to be viewed through that lens only because it lends itself to a pharmaceutical solution.
I have so many ADHD / autistic friends who cannot get motivated by ‘boring’ tasks and domestic chores because they don’t have the normal functioning level of get up and go supplies by dopamine. It causes many domestic arguments when the person doesn’t pull their weight cheerfully in the household. I lived through hell with my parents ranting at each other about these issues all the way through my childhood which was extremely traumatic and made no sense to me at the time.
Beautiful! Thanks for sharing!
I really like the understanding that motivation is a natural impulse and doesn't require discipline to illicit so much as a timely and balance return to the quiet place from which it springs. I'm also interested in the strong reaction against political discourse. I notice it myself, even in the midst of a seemingly irresistible need to engage in it. And the whole idea of the world's problems being increasingly understood as a spiritual battle, gets turned on it's head a bit, when the real battle, at least for a moment, is seen to be not so much between good impulses and bad ones, but between those grounded in the silence and those not.